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Changing Self
I have recently quit my job and in the last few years I have been living abroad. In these years, I've become independent and like myself a lot more than I used to. I am contemplating moving back in with my mother for a few years. I am a bit afraid to do this. This was the place where I learned a lot of things that made me dislike myself. I became a reaction to the life my parents had chosen. I developed a temper, shouted and was a generally emotional, overreacting rebellious personality. I am not like that anymore. I have behaved myself. I am just afraid if moving back in would trigger the same old reactions and if my growth of the last few years will have been lost. I disagree with the lifestyle that my parents chose, which involved a lot of people-pleasing and killing their real selves. They led very unhappy lives and my mother continues to do so. Leaving home was one of the healthiest things that I'd ever done for myself. Should I go back? 
Jane, why are you thinking of moving back? It seems from what you say that it's a very bad idea, unless you have a good reasons to do so.

You have changed, but your fear that you will become the same is not unfounded. I assume you know the line about: "of course our parents know how to push our buttons. They're the ones who put them there."
I agree with Mike, Jane.
Unless your reason for going back is compelling in the extreme I think you should avoid it.

You're the only one who knows what the issues are.  Be very truthful with yourself.
Will you move back there because you're up against a wall or because it's expedient?
Sometimes a step backwards is the only step to take.
But most of the time it's just a step backwards.
Hm - perhaps you could try it.  Decisions like that are not reversible after all.
I tried once, and ultimately it did not work out, but I learned a a lot and surprisingly - so did they. 
It definitely is a tough way to test-drive the different you, and yet it may show you who you really are at this time.
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Latest Post: March 30, 2011 at 12:00 PM
Number of posts: 9
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