First of all, in my background research for this post (full disclosure: wikipedia) in the first sentence the word meme is dropped. It seems like the word Meme is the biggest meme of all. But I'll hold off on that discussion and return emphasis to where I meant it to be, namely, the apocalypse. Specifically the upcoming apocalypse scheduled for December 21, 2012. Why universal doom couldn't wait a few days so we might repent in time to celebrate the birth of our Savior, I don't know. In any event we're most ceremoniously screwed.

It's October 2009. That means we have little more than 3 years to stockpile bottled water and have sex with as much frequency as possible. Employ your inevitable and guaranteed demise to massive hedonistic ends! Forgo the condom! Try all those kinky positions you wouldn't otherwise! Honk your horn more often and talk back to your idiot coworkers! Live these last few years up in spiteful lechery! Nothing matters!

I'm exaggerating. We don't know the world is going to end. We might not even die. There could be a million other alternatives. We might spontaneously evolve antlers or else revert back to the consciousness of a bottom-level bureaucratic nincompoop. Sexual identities and desires might get rearranged and muddled so extraordinarily that one day we could crave a foot job from Fabbio and the next ache to lick the toes of Queen Victoria (all scholarly literature points to a definitive foot fetish). By far the most scientifically compelling prediction of our future is the hypothesis of a global consciousness shift whereby our communication modes transform into another very similar to a bee hive. That would certainly eradicate the need for a justice system. World Peace at the crest of another universe.

Everyone, everyone, I've been jesting. Don't be alarmed. My predictions are merely the manifestations of a Freudian cerebral lobe. I don't recommend you immediately head for high land and build a fallout shelter beneath your computer desk. No, no, never. Though a healthy supply of clean and safe water is never a bad idea!

I hope my conceited juggling of irony (or was that sarcasm?) has adequately related some degree of the ridiculousness which propagates this myth. (Damn you History Channel, I trusted you!) Why, I wonder (the "why" obviously renders the "I wonder" obsolete, I just merely wanted the addition of a rhythmic pause) has this particular doomsday scenario been picked up with so much fervor? Is it the meme generating new technologies? Is it the wikipedias, the television programs, and the movies (2012 starring guess who? Nicholas Cage! due out next month)? Aren't we supposed to be moving away from supernatural explanations? Who in this day and age is really all that superstitious?  Or maybe December 21, 2012 will be the day that marks the end of superstition. Maybe when we see that nothing in hell or in heaven or even on earth happens we can let this age of religion and spirituality be left behind. But wait a second, doesn't that deem the prediction accurate? The myth's origins are with the end of the Mayan Calender. The Mayans proclaimed said date as the end of an era. That doesn't mean bad, that doesn't mean good, and it doesn't even imply that an event is scheduled. Eras tend to be very loose terms, sure people say a single event was the end or beginning of an era such as the death of Kennedy or King or Ghandi, but really the era's end was in the cards for months or even years before. Doesn't the start of every era guarantee it's demise.

But hell on earth, wouldn't it be fun if everyone sprouted wings?