Your home for intelligent conversation on the web
The Living Room Relationships Emotionally disposed
THINQon is a platform for a more intelligent web. It aims to replace the ruling paradigm of the web – that of sharing and gathering information – with a sharing and achieving of understanding. Instead of the Q&A model it offers an experience. A platform for discovery of ideas, people, and yourself.     Continue >
Emotionally disposed
My friend just had his heart broken. It's been painful to watch. He is someone so brilliantly in love with life that it's as if the splintering of his spirit is cracking the seams of the very world around him. I'm doing everything I can to console but I know it's on him. All I can really do is be around if he needs me, the rest is just the battlefield in himself.

It occurs to me however that my friend's plight isn't unique. But it is also not prevalent. For some reason there are people among us who feel more than others. This doesn't mean everyone else is a slab of flesh and fuel. Everyone has true feelings and strong ones and so on. But some of us like my friend are more disposed to becoming a victim of their feelings. He described it once in relation to those standard literary conflict tropes. There is Man vs. Society, Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, Man vs. God, and in my friend's case, Man vs. Self. It's not that my friend necessarily feels different things than anyone else, it's just his brain and heart compute the information differently.

Is it because he understands his feelings more or that he opens himself up to them more? That he is so devastated now only reminds me of the times when he is at his happiest. When he's like that he is brighter than anyone I know. Are both instances of him born from the same place? The same tendency to let his emotions take on physical form in his body? Why are some of us disposed to melancholy much deeper than our friends and families? I guess leading neurologists and such would say it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. But something must cause the release of those chemicals other than chaos and randomness and genetics, right?

There are always going to be people more susceptible to the whims of their moods. There will always be poetry to describe those whims written by people who feel more like my friend. If I were to ask him right now if he would give up those feelings I think he would say yes, anything to not go through the pain he is. But the other times when he is brilliantly happy, I doubt he would give up the hard times if it also meant the loss of his present. Would anyone?
I know what you mean. Through the worst times of my divorce I wished the pain would stop, until it became so bad that I became numb. That was scary! Worse than the pain - the nothingness, the void, the unendingness of everything. Very scary. No, I don't believe anyone would give up their emotions, especially if they have experienced this "numbness". Thank goodness, that's over!

Have you ever wondered about the meaning of pain? I am reading a book by Philip Yancy, and this is a question that he grapples with. Basically, pain is there to warn you of more severe hurt. Pain is there to preserve you. An example of this may be, like a person who puts their hand on a hot stove, they burn their hand and pull away. Conversely, someone who is oblivious to pain may also put their hand on the stove, burn their hand, not pull away - and they burn their hand so badly that it may have to be amputated. This is a reality for some who do suffer from living a "painless" life.

This may be true for your friend. Perhaps burning himself now is painful, but should the relationship have continued, worse harm may have awaited him - in whatever form that would have been.

He is lucky to have a friend like you. My best friends are the ones who allowed me to be whatever I was - sad, angry, blah, blah - at any given moment. In their presence I found healing and self-worth again. Soldier on with your friend and good luck :-)
I think that your friends condition is prevalent,but sometimes we miss it  .  In the course  of everyday people interaction,some see what may be described as a behavior different from the norm as -well different. And perhaps less fortunate,etc.   Sometimes I see people in this light also. I must admit though that the creative people I have admired most;the Artists,writers,musicians,the thinkers ,those we have heard of and not heard of,have been subjected to,or subjected themselves to,this behavior.Man vs. Mind??  Our selfs,and how we relate to ourselves.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I know a professor who is brilliant and was successful in most  aspects of his life .  Certainly in a professional sense,except when he does drugs.  Why on earth would he put everything at risk that he has worked for,for the sake of a lost weekend in his apartment??  Of course it makes no sense ,but if one understands the dynamics of addiction ,and how addiction permits and promotes an improper relation of self to self,it makes much sense.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have recently learned that Experience actually forms the neural pathways in our physical brain.Our experience actually influences the cell structure and chemical interaction within.When I read this I was at first surprised and then not surprised at all.  How else would one explain the variants of human behavior and what we perceive as the norm or a deviation from that norm??                                                   
Join the Community
Full Name:
Your Email:
New Password:
I Am:
By registering at, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
Discussion info
Latest Post: October 31, 2009 at 6:14 PM
Number of posts: 3
Spans 6 days
People participating

No results found.