Good Afternoon Guillotine. I present to you my neck. I hope you enjoy the bath soaps I scrubbed it with this morning. Am I a martyr? No, I am just a man, albeit a man with the ingrown spirit of self-sacrifice ala this post. Actually, on second thought, I might be a martyr, I'll accept the term.

I present to you, audience, the facts of my case. I call these facts "my opinion." Women are not as funny as men. In general, for every woman I find funny I can name at least 5 collateral men, if not more. This is not to say that the funniest women aren't as funny as the funniest men (but I will in fact say that as well.) That said, I'll concede Tina Fay is at the top of the comedy world right now. (Still behind Larry David) And I can concede other women as well, because I am merely generalizing.

Now, apart from the professional comics and paid funnypeople, this rule of mine also exists in the laugh-filled toils of everyday life. You ladies just don't make me laugh as much as guys. This is not because my sense of humor is structured on fart jokes and racial slurs and it is not because my social relationships are overwhelmingly male. And I'll admit to meeting funny girls, but they are far and in-between (and often I am laughing at them, though this is also true of some males)

 I ask you ladies how often you've heard this answer (or given it yourself) to the following question:

So, why are you with him anyways? Welllllll, he's realllllly funny, I'm always laughing.

Now, fellas, how often have you given that answer in describing some girl you're with? It's always transposed as she's really smart or has a great personality.

It is my hypothesis that men have evolved to be funnier. Or perhaps I mean nurture rather than nature. We are taught from an early age that if we don't have the looks, our brains will win the girl. Thus, to prove our intellectual merit we must make the girl laugh. She, on the other hand, has been trained to be the reciprocal audience to our godlike wit. And believe me, I know plenty a girl with a great sense of humor (or at least a vocation to make me feel good about myself). In fact, girls are the best audience members because they get me working harder for those oh so precious laughs, but God, they give me less to work off of.

So no, maybe I haven't proved once and for all that men are funnier than women, maybe it is an impossible task and I am preparing for a meaningless death. But I stand by it. I stand by it for all men out there that got the girl because they were the funniest guy in the room, I stand by it for every pair of friends that can bring the conversation to a halt and everyone in the room to a position on the floor where they are begging to stop laughing, and I stand by it for the unfunny girls, because if it weren't for you, we wouldn't be funny in the first place.

I invite your opinions and your evidence and your jokes to prove me wrong, because believe me, I wish both sexes were equally funny, it would make for a much better world if everyone could laugh all the time.