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I want to be someone I'm not
I want to be someone I'm not. It sounds so strange to say it, especially if you met me, but it’s true. I’ve lived my whole life since age 2 in a country (England) which is not the country of my birth. I have friends here, I’m not made to feel different but I am clearly not “English.”  Sometimes I wish I could erase everything about myself and come back as a person with a culture and a history and a home here. I find myself bizarrely jealous of people with family here going back generations. Why? I know they’re just people like me – they’re my friends – I know full well it doesn’t make them happier or better people. But I don’t really know why I feel this way or what to do about it.
I too  felt this way,for a long long time.    Now I am happy with ME half,or two thirds of the time.My family was so scattered and fragmented that 20 years ago I claimed,  "I do not have a Family",  or at least in the traditional sense of the word.I then sought out to find "self" and where I "Belong " in the world . No more bars ,clubs and wasteful ventures to fill my time. Get back into studies, {I am an Artist}  When mother passed away{2007 -  Alzheimers} My siblings were too busy,and made the usual excuses.I had to take the responsibilities for her burial. At that time,I met a woman whose Father was sick and we got each other through that and his death too. I have been with her since 07 and now  she is very sick and in the Hospital.  I go there every day.  Her family too,is busy.Too busy to come visit .  The past 2.5 years have been the beat I've ever lived,and I am so grateful. I am no longer wanting to be someone else,although I wish I could be somewhere else and somehow nullify the reality in front of me.I am realizing each day that being me is ok ,and in fact a Gift                  Thank You     Bill
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Latest Post: November 7, 2009 at 9:42 PM
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