I too  felt this way,for a long long time.    Now I am happy with ME half,or two thirds of the time.My family was so scattered and fragmented that 20 years ago I claimed,  "I do not have a Family",  or at least in the traditional sense of the word.I then sought out to find "self" and where I "Belong " in the world . No more bars ,clubs and wasteful ventures to fill my time. Get back into studies, {I am an Artist}  When mother passed away{2007 -  Alzheimers} My siblings were too busy,and made the usual excuses.I had to take the responsibilities for her burial. At that time,I met a woman whose Father was sick and we got each other through that and his death too. I have been with her since 07 and now  she is very sick and in the Hospital.  I go there every day.  Her family too,is busy.Too busy to come visit .  The past 2.5 years have been the beat I've ever lived,and I am so grateful. I am no longer wanting to be someone else,although I wish I could be somewhere else and somehow nullify the reality in front of me.I am realizing each day that being me is ok ,and in fact a Gift                  Thank You     Bill