Finding myself currently with no significant other, I am aware nonetheless of my emotional vulnerability in matters of the heart. Perhaps I'm just a romantic at heart but even when i find myself without a significant other, I dream of what i would like to say to him, about how much I care for him and how to express the depth of my emotions. I can go on a great adventure, mentally sort of, giving myself license to reveal my most intimate thoughts and desires. That sort of thing might be well and good if there is someone there to listen and appreciate or at least accept how deeply I feel things.
But I find myself creating romantic scenarios, crying over a beautiful or romantic love song, some poignant tale of loss and/or connection. I'm very good at expressing my feelings, maybe I should be writing for a greeting card company or something because I've had many tell me of the intrinsic beauty of the way I express love and feelings of devotion and loss.
I'm also aware that if I'm not careful my need to have someone who appreciates these things in me and thus to have someone to say them to on more than a passing basis may lead me to create a loving relationship where there is none.
I certainly don't want to create problems for myself or anyone else by being carried away by emotion and so forth. I don't know why I can be so very open with my words, perhaps it has something to do with feeling I needed to repress my emotions when I was young because my parents were just not really "touchy-feely" kind of people.
So how do I keep alive this depth of emotion without allowing it to influence me to engage in things or to trust people I ought not to just for the sake of saying I'm in love or because I want someone to send a valentine card to that I find romantic. It might be well enough to wait for the right one but sometimes I think he doesn't exist and so my mind creates these scenarios of tender and/or passionate love and devotion. But I don't want to set myself up to fail by projecting my tenderness and emotianal availability on to others who oftentimes share not much of what I'm feeling at a given time.
Is there anyone else out there who is so captivated by a beautiful song and images of a slow dance in the arms of someone special to you and, coming up empty, just aching so bad to go there whether wise or not? At such times it occurs to me that I am, of course, not really in love with anyone, I am just basically in love with being in love? I am fully aware, having been in such a situation, how one can be lonely sitting in the same room with others with whom there is no connection or with whom there has been a loss or a transgression of fidelity so I know its definitely not a good idea to fall into this emotional state on my own. But then it occurs to me I may never find this "person" and so I want to, in essence, create this person of my dreams, not remembering always that we cannot cause anyone to feel as we do or to adapt the same style and openness of communication that we do?
I'd appreciate feedback please. Am I alone in these thoughts and emotions? Does anyone else have thoughts on or experience in how these lovely feelings can lead us astray into difficulties if we fail to see them for what they are?