Just to start the discussion, I think one factor in how "personal" sex is, is how overwhelming an experience it is for you. Sometimes, maybe out of newness, or just out of intensity, your overwhelming focus is on the sensation experienced by you, and the other person is primarily an agent. Other times, you are not overwhelmed by the force so can actually use it to speak, to have a conversation with the other in which you listen as well, and then maybe it becomes more about each of you and who you are and how you are together.

Hat tip to Imogen on sex at thirty.

Hi,

I just wanted to tell here a story that happened to me when I was a virginal 16 years old. I was studying at that time abroad and going to visit my family in Israel for vacations. On this particular vacation, I phoned a friend of mine and we started to talk about life. Right from the beginning,  I felt that something was strange, my friend (it was a guy) was talking about subjects that we never discussed before and he asked me if I had sex already. I think that at that time I just started to read some sexual stories like “Switch Bitch” by Roald Dahl, but all together I was very prude and a total stranger to the subject. I considered sex as a potential new experience, both attracting and repelling, but I didn’t think of it as personal. I could have said simply that I did not have a boyfriend and therefore not had sex yet,  but  instead of that, I kept giving the most ridiculous arguments for not having sex yet, like not having time or that I must concentrate on my studies. He, on the other hand,  kept saying that I should try it and his argument was that on the contrary, the more work  you have, the more you should have sex, as this is the best way to unstress. (He obviously didn’t consider it as personal either.)

Anyway, I cut the conversation short as I was a bit upset. Went for a walk and decided to call him back and ask what was this all about. I got his mother on the phone telling me he’s on another continent and that it is impossible I talked to him... Yes, it was his little brother, with a very similar voice who tricked me nicely!!