Thanks for the reply.  We've done lots and lots of communicating about it, we both already understand what you've said.  The problem is society's attitudes about monogamy, or lack thereof.  One has to be secretive, or one carries a scarlet letter.  It comes down to completely practical matters.  There is simply a taboo in the US regarding extramarital sex.  The prerequisite for extramarital sex is divorce, i.e., extramarital sex is considered the end of marriage.  There are exceptions, but exceptions are what they are.  Look at the loss of reputation of our societal heroes, Tiger being simply the latest example.  I myself am a known professional in my city, and I would lose much of my ability to be productive, through stigmatizing, if I were openly to look for a sexual partner outside of my marriage.    My post is not a request for advice, although I am appreciative of your attempt to help.  It's an appeal to address the problem headon.  Monogamy is merely a word if it is not challenged by something other than preference.