THINQon : Love, a mystery. relationships, a conundrum.

The Living Room Relationships Love, a mystery. relationships, a conundrum.

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Morgan Milford, young

Love, a mystery. relationships, a conundrum.

Latest Post: July 28, 2011 at 2:41 AM

22 followers

How do relationships work? How does love work?

This beautiful couple I know got in a fight the other day. They never fight. They're displaced Californians. Which means they're chill.

It was a phone fight. I was present at one end. The other end was apparently drunk. "This only ever happens when she's drunk. Tomorrow it'll be fine." Tomorrow it was fine.

My sister says there need to be fights in healthy relationships. Regularly and routinely.

The two of them spend most of their time together. One of them moved out here to be with the other. Her life is back in California. Except for him. Moving out here meant living more fully for him.

I've started seeing this girl. She says fighting is necessary. I told her I don't know how to fight. We haven't yet.

So few of my friends are in relationships I find inspiring. We're young yes, maybe we're immature. I mean, probably we're immature. But still, I don't see the people I engage with day-to-day striving for deeper relationships.

Maybe I'm wrong, these things happen behind closed doors after all. But what is happening exactly? How do relationships bud? How does one get to another person on the level I'll call 'love'? Who plants the seed and who tends it?

Reply to:

Deborah Stone

June 14, 2011 at 10:20 PM

25 followers

Relationships that have any depth usually do not happen in your late teens or early 20's--usually--and I say that only because it is at that time in your life that you are "becoming" yourself,
evolving, experimenting and aren't yet "fully cooked"-----and true realtionship takes a great deal of self-knowledge. How can you choose the right person for you if you don't even know yourself yet? I say hold off on any serious relationships until you are at least out of your 20's. You'll be a different person at 30.

Reply to: or

David Joy (alias)

In response to Deborah Stone

July 28, 2011 at 2:39 AM

2 followers

I agree with this - as usual, Deborah makes a lot of sense.

The reason my relationship with the girl of my dreams has re-appeared is that, at a much later age that girl re-appeared. She didn't know what she needed, and didn't understand what she wanted when we were teenagers. Now she does - 36 years later. I haven't changed much, something which is not only my opinion, but that of many of the people I have had relationships with through the intervening years.

I am happy with it. Some things have to be worked for, some things can only be waited (and hoped) for.

Reply to: or

Morgan Milford, young

June 17, 2011 at 7:39 PM

22 followers

Maybe that's what I'll say when I grow up. But for now it doesn't seem much like a path to follow. How do I figure out how to identify myself, how to "become" myself without challenging what it means to relate?

Doesn't self-knowledge come from interacting with myself interacting with others? Shouldn't I come to understanding myself from different angles, angles that out of necessity look at me from eyes that aren't my own?

It doesn't seem right that my relationships now, at 22, can't have depth. That doesn't match up to my conception of relationships, romantic as it might be, gleaned from books and from fantasy.

I'll be a different person at 30. I count on that yeah, but how will I become that different person if I don't challenge who I am now?