Irene, you seem to know the situation pretty well. He doesn't yet know his feelings for you. You should remember it has only been 4 month and after these strong relationships that's not a lot. Might he leave you later for his ex - Yes, he very well might. At least it is less likely he will cheat on you with her given his history.

He has an important test in two month you said. He's not going to figure out his feelings for you beforehand. You can decide to leave him and that it is not worth waiting to find out, or you can wait the two months and try to figure it out together. There is no sense of pushing him for a decision now as he doesn't have a clue. Whatever he decides will be in order to stop the arguments, one way or another.

You mention his ex and is he in love with her - he obviously is, but maybe after living with you for a while he will prefer you. If you like him, and it seems like you do, then why not see if he'll prefer to stay with you?

The relation of love is a bit like magnets. The moment you are glued, the first reaction when one person becomes distant is to go after them, but the second reaction is to reject them also. (With magnets you can imagine how the one who is left behind flips sides). You feel he is rejecting you and you want to reject him back. Resist that urge.


Oh, and don't listen to what your friends tell you. They are not inside the relationship and usually answer because of their own psychology and relationships rather than yours. Strangers are sometimes better in this. Your friends might also not like not to have your full attention, as you mention he is your first boyfriend. They might like for you to break up. Who knows, they might be right, but in any case I wouldn't listen to them.

If you decide after a few more month to split no harm came out of staying a bit, while if you stop for the wrong reason it could be a pity.
On the other hand - does he love you or are you a rebound? You're probably a bit of a rebound, but so was perhaps his ex that he fell immediately in love with. A rebound can still become a serious relationship.

But, if after a few more months you still feel he doesn't love you, then maybe it will be time to leave him, even if you still love him. He might never feel he really loves you. He might stay anyway, but then you might have to gather the force to leave him.

Ok, hope things go well Irene.

I agree with Chris that nothing will happen for sure until after he takes this big test. If it's an exam which will impact his future (location, profession, earning potential...) then he would certainly not want to make major life decisions until after this is over. Also, I think it's very important to try and avoid major discussions about the relationship before the test. If he cares very much about this thing, then let him do it as best he can; you don't want him to think forever afterwards that he would have done better if he hadn't been upset at you. For that matter, if you're thinking of a future together, you obviously want him to do as well as he possibly can on the exam, which few can do if they're in the midst of an intensely emotional struggle. This doesn't mean you shouldn't stand up for yourself, but this isn't necessarily the time for "big talks about Us".

So if you're thinking about possibly a serious relationship, I'd suggest keeping the next few months fairly low key. Observe him, observe yourself with him. Don't rush to judgment yet. Enjoy the beginning of this new experience, and give just as much as you feel comfortable giving; don't give out of an expectation of return. You have a grace period; don't get in deeper than you wish, but this doesn't mean you need to restrain yourself. Just try to figure out how deeply he resonates with you, and who he is, and what kind of life you might have together. Forever is a long time. It's worth taking things slow and enjoying the process.

Obviously, you need to be careful, and you ask a lot of very good questions. But I wouldn't say things are clear yet, or that one can expect them to be. Men aren't necessarily certain about things any more than women are. Sometimes we expect them to be because society gives them a certain amount of authority. But how would you feel if there were a childhood friend of yours you knew wasn't a good match for you -- but whom you cared about sentimentally? Would you move on to an adult relationship or constantly answer the siren call of the past? Most everyone, answering honestly, would say that the answer is not 100% obvious: it requires a decision, and a choice to create something from one's life rather than simply allowing things to happen. As Chris said, this is also a choice which the two of you might make together.

Good luck -- keep us posted.

Thank you both. I am surprised to get so long and so good advices. After reading your replies, I felt much better and decide to let him forcus his important professional test, just enjoy the giving without expect return much now. And I will consider what my friends said only opinions, make decision between him and me. He just told me that he would follow his study & sleep schedule for month until his test, so we won't see each other much during this month, witch I think is good for us to think, feel and focus on our own business.

What made me sad occationally is that he is kind of too honesty. He would talk about his ex a little bit when I said sth about myself.... For example, I mentioned that my laptop is heavy, he said he suddenly had a thought, that XXX (the name of his ex) used to have the same complain and he bought her a small laptop. I mentioned that I went to the hospital once to see the doctor when I was in my college, he said once XXX could not breath when they ate and he sent her to hospital. When he mentioned them, I was ok at the moment, but after a while, I would feel upset or angry about that. What he said makes me feel that he treated her much better than he treats me. I understand that he is a student now and has no money, so I date him not for finding a purse, but I sitll can not stop comparing his behavior. I have no experience about this so I want to ask, should I directly tell him that I would not like to hear anything about his ex, after his test? or should I wait until next time he mention her? Sometimes sharing might be a good thing, but what he shared just make me unhappy.