I've had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for about 20 years.  It's not life-threatening, but a pain in the butt, characterized by exhaustion (for which frequent rest, even being occasionally bed-bound, is the relative cure, diffuse bodily pain (managed successfully with medication), and trouble sleeping (an old problem, but emphasized with the CFS).  I meet women from time to time, and my usual experience is that once they learn of this condition, which I feel fairness and candor require me to let them know early, not wanting to unfairly disappoint them after we may have begun to care about each other) they excuse themselves more or less gently or rudely.  I keep thinking that since most of me is intact, and has much to offer (most respond very warmly--even excitedly-- before learning about the CFS), I keep expecting to meet a woman for whom this condition is not a deal breaker.  And once in a great while, somebody does come along.  But it's rare: perhaps once each six months  .And having spent my life surrounded professionally and personally by truly bright and talented women, I'm as likely to do the rejecting as not, given what I'm used to, so this keeps the issue in perspective (I'm a former college liberal arts teacher and psychotherapist)

I'm not entirely sure what my question is, but perhaps this will do: for you women out there (and men as well), why is so rare to meet someone for whom I am rejected so quickly, long before we've had a chance to know one another..  I've heard most of the stories (e.g., I nursed my husband through ALS and don't have it in me to nurture another man; lots of variations on that theme, even though there's no evidence that I'll take any more care taking than the next guy: at 68 I live totally self-sufficiently).  But just because I've heard most of the stories, I don't want that from keeping my co-writers on Thinqon from expressing themselves candidly about their response to the pickle I so often find myself in.  It's almost as if women are seeking perfection more than ever before, just when you'd think that they'd let up a little at our ages (I'm 68).  I've heard so many stories over the years that I've become quite empathic and don't make any fuss about it, but remain baffled at the basic phenomenon.  I've learned, e.g., that if a woman hears anything that could imply care-taking, even if it's a false issue, she's liable to run for the hills, having used up that function in herself.  It's easy to become ironic at this point, but I'll reign myself in and ask: fellow thinqers: am I missing something?  Is this part of aging with an illness?  I'm all ears--or eyes.

What do women want?