Hi, please forgive me for the slightly bad topic title, but I find this subject difficult to summarize.
Recently, I've been starting to be more aware of my thoughts, actions and activities which I partake in. Overall, this has shown itself to be a very important awareness to cultivate, and has led me to appreciate a lot more about life. Naturally, as I expand my reflections on this, my life changes and my interests have changed. These changes are almost all positive - I mostly gave up computer games in favor of books, cut down on the amount of internet junk I consumed, and so on.
However, this sword is double edged, as these things tend to be. As they say "the more you know, the less you know." My problem now is that I value my time far too much. I'm lucky, in that I do have a lot of free time, yet with so much of it I find it difficult to really make a decision of what to do at a given moment. On a similar line I'm also troubled that during these activities, I have a nagging concern in the back of my head that what I'm doing might not be entirely worth it. And even worse than all of this, I find it really difficult to just stop and relax.
The mind needs time to stop and interpret everything that's going on, and I'm finding it hard to really give it this time. I dismiss activities that aren't intellectually engaging as often irrelevant, such as casual TV. I've started to try and rekindle my interest in meditation, but I think I need to relax for a bit more than 10 minutes every day!
It may well be that this is just friction that is being noticed as I transition my life to one that I place more value on, but I worry that by being overly sensitive about my time, I risk blinding myself from some of the more subtle beauties in life that just are what they are.
