I recently got to know a man through
business colleagues. Since we are in related fields, we decided to
meet for coffee and do some networking. We are both over 50, and he
is married. Over the course of the last month, he started to e-mail
and call me on the phone. He wanted to meet to assist me in a recent
move, but I felt uncomfortable with him at my home. His e-mails were
frequent and although not implicitly romantic or sexual, they were
inappropriate. I gathered from what he told me he was going through a
separation, but we had never really had a conversation regarding his
personal situation. In one of our conversations I told him I had zero
interest in having any kind of relationship with a married man---being single
didn't mean I was "up for grabs".
We met last week for coffee and I
said to him it was obvious he had an interest in me and I was not
really comfortable with it. He then told me his "situation".
He had been married "forever" and although his wife is a
kind, person, a great mother and home-maker she is not experimental
in the bedroom and is a "prude". They have 2
wonderful sons, and a lovely home.She plans great holidays with the
family (kids, grandkids), cooks great meals and says 80% of the time
he's ok.....(no abuse or fighting it seems) but he just doesn't enjoy her company or conversing with
her anymore. He has not "been himself" for 25+ years and is
often angry and depressed, can't sleep and yearns for a real
connection. (and this is only 20% bad?) But leaving the comfortable
nest has him worried that he has a lot of “perks” that he
doesn't want to give up, leaving his comfort zone and of course the financials of 2 households in mid-life. I sat there in disbelief-----I agreed------
and I actually stuck up for his wife who is in all likelihood a good
mate and asked him what he was expecting from me? I was
amazed at his sadness that he didn't “get it all”. This feeling
of entitlement really threw me, because I have seen it before. He has
NO idea of MY struggles, both financially and otherwise, being a
single woman, but I have a great life and loads of freedom.....which
has a price for sure.
Don't men understand the meaning of
marriage and a lifelong commitment? There are no promises of great
sex, amazing communication and all your needs met. I am not married
and choose not to be, because I think it's highly unlikely the person
you marry at 22 will fill all your needs at 50+. But this man's life
seems pretty darned good to me. If not, he should have the guts to
leave without looking for a soft place to land.
Where does this “sense of
entitlement” come from?
