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Unhappy relationship but can't leave
I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 6 years now, bought a house last year and have a 2 year old daughter. However, for some time now (on and off for about 3 years) I have been questioning how happy I truly am in this relationship. When I have been looking at other forums on the subject I find alot of people have to deal with abuse, divorce, affairs which is nothing like what I have to deal with and I feel abit silly for the things I do deal with and complain about. 
I hate the way he talks to me sometimes, he can be disrespectful (his father oftens talks to his mother this way so no doubt his upbringing obviously plays a part) he can be quite serious and is meticulous in cleaning as in he wants the house to be clean all the time. With me working part time and being a mother I find it difficult to do it to his standard all the time, let alone having his dinner on the table when he gets home from work. He snaps at me sometimes (especially when he has been without marijuana for a while - he is trying his best to quit this) and in general conversation he can get quite uptight and angry. He is not like this all the time but it is happening more as time goes on.
I have spoken to him about these issues and have almost left the home a couple of times, things change for abit but then he reverts back to his ways. 
I know I should be happy as in a sense I have everything I wanted, a home, children, someone who I know will never cheat on me (I have been hurt in the past so this means a lot to me) but I just find myself not feeling the love I should anymore. We still have sex which is great when it happens but it can take abit of initiation on his part for me to be interested. When he's being horrible, I just don't feel like putting out but sometimes I do just to keep the peace and keep him happy. Apart from the above, he is generally a decent person. He works all week long, pays most of the household bills and I know if it came to it, he would do anything for me or our daughter. Despite this, I have been feeling this way for a long time now but just cannot seem to find the courage to go. It goes completely against my grain to have children and then split up and have a weekend father. I was brought up in this environment and both my sisters have had children with men and broken up. I promised myself that I would not let this happen to me and that the person I have children with is the person I would be with for life. So I am feeling extremely torn in my belief system and my happiness. 
I sometimes think of life alone with my daughter and feel a sense of relief but at the same time I think of him with someone else and it hurts. I know this is not the right reason to stay with someone and I do love him but I am quite indecisive in nature and am so worried that if I go and realise that I've made a mistake, that he will not take me back. This would be a huge regret and with my daughter to think about, is not a risk I can take unless I am absolutely sure it is what I want. My brain tends to be overactive and I find it extremely difficult to calm my thoughts long enough. I feel like I am thinking about it every day and it is exhausting. I just wish I knew what to do, make a decision and stick to it. If any one has any advice, I would love to hear from you. Thank you x
Your post comes hard on the heels of a thread about
In that thread Jackie makes a great point about desire being a symptom of something you're missing in your life, something that's necessary, and she says:

'Our body/mind has limited means with which to communicate with us, so we oftentimes have to interpret our subconscious via the signals it sends us through our physical/sensual self.'

What is it that you need?  A mate who is more responsive, loving, companionable?  A different job.  More confidence?  Do you want to go back to school?   Not knowing you, I can only say that you should focus and refine your unhappiness/desire into something more defined so you can take a good look at it. 
My son was just talking about his relationship.  When he asked his girlfriend what was wrong she said she didn't know.  Is that true?  Maybe she just doesn't want to see the hard fact.
And maybe that's true for you.
What is the hard fact?  It might take a while to figure it out. 
You say you have a belief system--do you have an approachable faith community?  A best friend you can ask?  A professional counselor?
You can talk it out here with us.
Anyway, go to a quiet place and ask yourself: 
When I'm old what do I want to look back and see?  Go deep and take time, your opportunity here is to make a change that you can look back on and be glad about.
Even if the gladness is bittersweet.

And don't run off, we want reports back.

In response to Linda OReilly
Hi Linda, 
Thank you for your reply to my post. Your reply certainly made me stop and think for a while. I think I have lost what it is I exactly 'desire' and feel this is partly due to the fact that my brain is just so overactive and I find it difficult to calm it and slow things down long enough for me to realise, 'hey what exactly do I want with my life'.
I do know that I do not want to feel this way anymore and although I can see in my mind how I want things to be between my fiance and I, I am scared that I have already gone beyond this point and that truly in my heart I have already made my decision. Then he comes home and is all apologetic and giving me cuddles (which I love) and it makes me want to stay again.
As I am typing this this evening, we have already had a huge blowout - because of the way he spoke to me and belittled me with finances and jargon. I told him I was going to leave as I had had enough and he really doesn't want me to go. He has gone out now so it all might change again later!!
Your post has made me think and I am going to make a conscious effort to find my desire and path that I want to take. I think I am going to give it one more go and give it my all - including doing some things for myself as I think putting all this energy and thoughts into whats going on in the relationship is not healthy.
Thank you again

In response to Sam Jones
Life and relationships are processes.  You don't have to see things in zeros and ones, black and white, doors slamming shut.  You have taken a good step in telling your fiance that you are not happy.  If he really wants to preserve your relationship, he needs to support you in figuring out exactly why you are not feeling fulfilled and how you can get there.  And he can't just do it with snuggles and apologies and promises - he has to be willing to work on his own problems, and realize that they are his problems, not yours.  If a relationship is to work, both people must own their responsibility for its health and vitality.  This is not a problem with you, or a problem with him - it is your problem to solve together.

That said, I still think that mindfulness and introspection are helpful tools - you need to know who you want to be in order to know what kind of relationship you want.  You promised yourself that you would not "split up and have a weekend father" before you knew what it was like to be a co-parent.  I would just add a little nudge for you to really look hard at that "belief system" - is it a true, soul-felt belief, or is it a set of expectations based on emotion and reaction?  I am not trying to lead you to answer one way or the other.  I have experienced what I thought were profound moral beliefs turning out to be a set of rules laid into my consciousness as I grew up, and when I began to test them against my reality, I discovered that they did not warrant my continued conviction.  It has been extremely challenging, but I feel much more, I don't know, authentically "me" now.

Be true to yourself first of all.
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