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What do older men need to know about intimacy?
Hi All,

I've been invited to write a chapter for a book on ageing for men.  I would love to know what you think should be in the chapter. What do you think men over 50 need to know about intimacy?

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Amanda
Learn to let go of fear, learn to trust someone else completely (again).  Learn to forget what has hurt in the past and who did the hurting.
It may not be possible.
I've met quite a few men in the over fifty crowd who are not willing to become intimate, even though they are still attracted to affairs with women. Actually, I met men who raised these issues while trying to convince them to get more intimate with me!
Here's what they said....
Marriage and living together are for raising children, I'm over that, the kids are grown. Besides, I don't want to bother making all of the adjustments that need to happen when you're going to be living with someone. It's just too inconvenient, and what's the point of bothering to do it?

We're not going to have much sex or much fun anyway, because we're getting old; that means we're just going to be full of complaints as our bodies start breaking down. Who wants to share that? I hate to have to depend on someone and obligate me to them - I'd rather be taken care of by a stranger than my significant other.

I'm getting lousy at sex anyway, at least, the way I like to have sex. I'm too injured, too fat, too sick, too busy, too involved with my relatives...etc. It will take such a long road of self-improvement to change things, that it's discouraging to start walking it. I have a mysterious illness that nobody can solve, so effort may not work anyway. Why try and have to face failure? I can see now that it's probably not worth it.

What will other people in the community that I work for think, if they see me with this woman or a string of women I'm dating - after knowing me for so long as a couple with my ex-wife?

Falling in love is not worth the risk, because I can't afford to hand out fifty percent of what I've worked for to anyone in the next divorce. Who could possibly do that much for me to make it worth my while to get involved and start a new love at the level of marriage? I don't want to accept that, I want to give what I've worked for and still have as an inheritance to my grown kids, not a new wife.

Younger women are too unpredictable because they can merely change their mind and go somewhere else - there is no sense of security that an older man used to bring to a marriage. Older women my age are intimidating and confrontational. Women don't read your mind about what you need anymore and do it without you asking for help, like they used to do. You have to have "relationship skills," and I don't have a clue how to learn these skills at this point.
Postscript (October 23, 2012 at 11:49 PM):
Did I do that thread killing thing I seem to have so much of a talent for doing - yet again?
Lots of oil. 
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Latest Post: January 3, 2012 at 11:59 PM
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