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The Living Room Relationships Monogamy? What is a good reason to not get married?
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What is a good reason to not get married?
A lot of my friends are getting married now. Partially it is because they are very happy with their partners, but it seems to me that there's an element of "so what else do we do now?" Marriage is really the default for a couple. Certainly, you can choose not to get married and it won't be the scandal it once was, but at the same time you will have to spend a fair amount of time defending the decision. Maybe your friends will chalk it up to idealism.

Still, most of the world will just tolerate your cohabitation and assume you are not yet "mature enough to commit." Monogamous marriage is seen as the only real "adult" relationship.

Is this an accurate assessment?

Are there any good reasons for people who love each other and want to be together not to get married?
Hi Jessie,

What an interesting question you raise! I think we need to keep this in context.  Americans are very enthusiastic about marriage. I believe we have the highest rate of marriage - and divorce - in the developed world. I don't think marriage is the only or the best form for "real" adult relationships. It's just the religious or legal recognition of a promise that may or may note be kept.  To me the real commitment comes when you have a child. That lasts for a lifetime, regardless of your marital status.

In response to Amanda Barusch
I think the only reason to marry would be to have children.  Since I am not going to have children, I will never marry again.
On marriage, it would be difficult to convince me that marriage - rather than being the "default" - should be held as the ideal. Always.
Married with children re-enforces that ideal evermore.

If two people over time (usually several years) realize their marriage still has mutual value(s) but the sexual aspect of that marriage has waned, or worse, become non-existent, then an open discussion should take place to set boundaries for sexual relation  &  fulfillment outside of that marriage. Many times it doesn't and when it is uncovered, naturally, the other spouse is offended and there goes the divorce rate, up again.

As difficult as the discussion maybe, if the marriage, in the opinion of the partners is worth keeping, then communication on extra-curricular activity must take place.
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Latest Post: September 16, 2010 at 6:04 PM
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