Morgan, I had to try to get a definition here;
"..Conflict is actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal (within oneself) to individuals. Conflict as a concept can help explain many aspects of social life such as social disagreement, conflicts of interests, and fights between individuals, groups, or organizations." Wikipedia.
My question to myself is, "Does it help me to "Confront" a perceived conflict?" Sometimes conflict does not seem to warrant my confronting it and risking unease with myself or another who is on the other side of the conflict. Even questioning my "moral integrity" may not warrant confrontation. I can do very little to control that which is outside of myself, and anyway, how can my belief be "taken from me"? What sort of conflict DOES warrant confrontation? If I'm threatened with bodily harm for sure. But many of the conflicts demanding confrontation, I find to be internal. Today I listened to my partner vent something in response to a conflicting perspective we had. She made some "you" statements. Inside I bristled. The choice became, confront her about the "you" statements she made about me or realize that they are HER statements and instead, confront myself as to what truth they may have from my own perspective (actually I did both...:-)). If I find truth in them, I can state that; if not I can find comfort in what I know to be a difference of perspective. Where was the confrontation? She had a chance to vent; I had a chance to learn about how another perceives me. The conflict seemed to quietly dissolve.
Also today, a dentist tried to tell me I might need a procedure that my dental coverage didn't cover. The confronting was quick and direct; "I will need to know why other dentists I've had in the past never required this since there's been no change in my dental health". I wanted verification. I live on a small fixed income and have to "confront" anything that might cost more than I expect if I don't understand why.
I remain confused about what I should confront and what I should stay still with. Rilke's The Man Watching comes to mind:
".....
What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights with us is so great!
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
As things do by some immense storm,
When we win it's with small things,
and the triumph itself makes us small....."
Thanks for the topic.
Conflict, I think, is in every situation. Each is with its conflicting options.
Conflict as you seem to pose it, is personal, a matter of personal survival. In extreme, do you survive, or your opponent?
A conflictional taciturn person is measured. Has a good understanding of love and hate, and understands the difference. It takes courage to see the difference between the two, to incorporate that discernment into one’s life actively, and to force a remedy if needed.
Courage is open ended. We all wish we had more. It’s what leads up into our future.
A conflict with self-hate? We all experience it from time to time. Win.
A conflict with enjoyment, either wanting it too much or not enough? Win.
A conflict with wanting to win too much? Win
Perhaps the good life is to nuance winning.
A good person will take the good oponent in the eye, bend its head back and snap its neck over her knee. And a good person will know when to take this action. And the action if against persons… well, that’s for us all to decide on our own.
The most important thing to know about conflict is it's consequences. There are no two the same.
