Penelope,

When your friends criticize your boyfriend, do you feel angry at them, as if they are insulting you by criticizing him?  Or a sense of relief -- because they are giving you hope that you can do better?  Or just a mild frustration or amusement that your friends don't understand you?  Or something else?

If you're upset at them, tell them so.  If they respect your feelings (in the same way they want your boyfriend to respect your feelings), this might be enough to make them behave differently.  In any event, perhaps it will lead to a useful discussion.

If you're relieved, maybe that's a sign that your boyfriend isn't so good for you after all.

If you're just frustrated or amused that your friends don't get it, then I'm not sure there is a problem.  Let them say whatever dumb things they want to say; you know what's best for you.

However, on reading the posts in "telling friends you don't like their partners", I realize that many people think about this issue differently than I do.  Possibly this is a gender difference.  My attitude is that I am competent to choose my own romantic partner, and my friends should not expect their advice to have much effect.  If they wish to state their opinion, they should say it clearly and directly, and then leave the topic alone unless I ask for further advice.

However, another point of view is that love is a bit like hypnosis, or a magic spell.  If I'm under an evil spell, then my friends have a responsibility to do anything and everything to break the charm.  They certainly should not content themselves with direct confrontation, as a helpless thrall would rebuff every attempt.

But what should I do when my friends think I am a helpless thrall in need of rescue?  It is a tricky position to be in, as my friends may ignore everything I say and do, while still claiming to be my friends and looking out for my best interests.  In this case, you have to reach a compromise.  Perhaps your friends will stop making hints about your boyfriend if they are no longer invited to spend time with the two of you together.   Or, maybe they can be induced to conceal their dislike except on the 2nd Tuesday of every month.  If nothing works, and your friends' machinations are just too aggravating, then the friendship has to be suspended until further notice.

As you say, William, there is always the issue of the magic spell. Cf the medieval idea that a beautiful woman would hold a man "in thrall" -- would bewitch him to the point of a real loss of control.

This touches on a deep nest of questions about how to know whether or not to interfere in others' lives, or to let them interfere in yours. On one hand, yes you can never really know another person's reality completely. On the other, people sometimes really do destroy themselves and it is almost criminal not to intervene (where are Rihanna's friends, now?).

Just to respond directly to the question, I would say that if your friends are responding this way, you can learn a lot from this -- either about yourself, or about them. Ask them frankly what they find problematic and why, what kind of person they see you with, what kind of person they see you as being. Judgments about relationships really come from very core judgments about a person and who they are in the world. Press your friends for details until you can understand exactly where they are coming from. Have they described you accurately? Do they have your best interests at heart? Are they making assumptions which are useful, or harmful? At the worst, you will have learned some interesting things about how your friends perceive you, and why this is or is not correct. Whether you decide to act on the advice, to defend yourself or break off the friendship is a more personal matter.

It also depends on how well you think you know yourself. Sometimes it is useful to hear others' criticisms, sometimes it is not, and in fact can be harmful. People who are bent on destroying another's character can often influence you far more than you would wish. So, another factor is how decent you find your friends, and whether or not you want their influence.

However, once the specific issue of whether or not you discuss your relationship with your friends is set aside, what may simply happen is that you meet your friends and your partner, for the most part, completely separately.  This is not always a problem, in fact it can ensure that you have some space away from the relationship and continue to develop yourself as a separate person, which are important things. It may not seem so at the beginning of a relationship, but you cannot stay underwater forever, and it is nice to maintain contact with the world outside. Presumably, you have other friends who can meet the two of you together if you want to enjoy being a couple in public.